Morning Flex

Just read an article about the 75 things successful people do every morning. Where do they find the time? Do they have nannies or personal assistants? Probably they are nannies. What? You think they’re too busy watching your kids? I got news for you: Disney + and a bag of chocolate sandwich cream cookies will get you an hour right there. Besides, who decides who’s successful? Shouldn’t we hold judgement till they’re dead? I mean, they may be doing alright now but there’s still time. A 25 year old lover or a bad Gummy Bear habit can send you off the rails at any age.

Most of us can get up to around 10 or 12 things if we count all the times we hit snooze or look for a missing sock. But apparently these people don’t wear socks so let’s break down what’s really going on here.

One of my favorites is meditation. I think I read a book once or heard about it in a bar. Anyways as I recall you need at least 15 minutes of uninterrupted quiet time to do this. So unless you’re a software tycoon or a drug kingpin this means sitting on the toilet while you listen to the dog pee on the tile outside the door. I just watched a movie featuring Joan Crawford on TV. She was reminding everyone that she needed her 15 minutes of quiet time every morning. She just had her household staff keep everyone out of her private drawing room. Easy peasy.

Note to self: what is a drawing room. Do people actually draw in them?

Cooking a nutritious breakfast and then packing the kiddos off to school with a healthy macro-balanced lunch is also popular. Your experience may be different but this usually involves yelling for them to get up about 40 times until you finally lose your shit and send them out the door with a pack of pop tarts and a prepackaged lunch of processed meat and cheese food along with a cookie and a sugar infused drink in a pouch. It doesn’t matter; they will trade whatever you give them for something they like anyway. A junior high lunchroom has a trading system like a prison yard.

Let’s not forgot bonding with your teenage daughter and talking about her upcoming day and her plans for the future. This is a wonderful time to discuss college plans and any bumps in the road she may be experiencing at school. This is the point at which her father has usually slunk out to go to work or is huddling in the corner like Switzerland while you have a screaming match over what she is going to wear to school. All for naught I might add because she is going to wear whatever the hell she damned well pleases.

On a related note, there is the “get to the office while it’s quiet” types. They’ll claim productivity boosts while they go through the email and get the day sorted out without interruptions. Here’s a fun experiment: send them an email right before you turn in for the night then see if they actually read it in the morning. Make it something they’ll have to respond to like a lunch meeting where you’re buying. Don’t worry. You won’t have to buy because they’re not gonna read it before lunch. How is this related to teenage daughters? I met the one guy who was willing to be honest about his “butt crack of dawn” work habits: he wanted out of the house before his wife and twin daughters started fighting.

“Reading the news before starting the day.” That’s another good one. I once saw a post from one of those “influencer” types on LinkedIn. Someone asked her what she reads in the morning. “I look at my Facebook timeline because I’m addicted.” was her refreshingly honest answer. Some people read devotionals or inspirational stories each morning. I’ve not met any of these people but I’m sure they’re fun at parties.

Journaling? Commenting on airport vehicle races on YouTube and doom scrolling until you find something that pisses you off enough to comment on doesn’t count as journaling. This is a double winner though because now you get to go through the whole day pissed off over the original post and disappointed in yourself for getting sucked in. The only way to get past this is to find something else to get pissed off about which is why most people head to work about this time.

As for me? I just read some advice about wearing the same grey T-Shirt every day. Supposedly it simplifies things for people who can’t handle too many decisions. Just wondering if it should be grey grey or more of a blue grey.

© Glenn R Keller 2021, All Rights Reserved

6 thoughts on “Morning Flex

  1. Wait, this is so funny. And totally out of character. I mean, writing character, not personal character. But you missed the 15 minutes of Mindfulness reflection.

    Like

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